|
Editorials 
Top 10: Xbox Rumours
- By Kevlar
Gorilla
I have searched high and low among the people that I know (both of them), through the interweb, and even down the deep recesses of my brain to give you the best ten untruths ever based on the Gamecube’s competition, Xbox. They are ranked by creativity, technical merit, and some degree of truth. It’s you job to reply to this list via the mailbag.
10) Controller design inspired by Hitler’s moustache
Yup. Just looking at the suggested group of hypo-nasal hairs under a weak magnifying glass is evidence enough. If only Adolf had shaved more often...
9) Code named “MS Gaming Suite”
It fits Microsoft to a tea. No mess. No muss. No fuss. Try getting some third party support with that name.
8) X-Jewel not as tasty as first reported
It actually tastes kind of bitter. Here I am thinking “Hey, if I plop down a whackload of cash I can get some free candy!”. Gone are my dreams of suckling the night away. Pervert.
7) All the other letters were picked
What’s more fun than an Xbox? Why... a Zbox of course!
6) Official partners with Stalin, Satan, and Hanson
Mmm, bop! Microsoft triple teams the gaming market with three of the worlds most hated/feared/execrated/disliked people. They realize that things change than people will soon realize that Stalin’s parents treated him badly, Satan’s just plain misunderstood, and Hanson has converted to a more “grungy/alterative” muzak style.
5) Free inflatable Bill with two UPC codes and $5.00 S&H
Have fun with your own personal rich guy. Good for stuff like... um... well... you can throw pies at it and you can use it for boxing practice. Use your imagination... no, wait, don’t. You pervert.
4) It’s Fun
Could it possibly be that at one time Microsoft said that the Xbox would be fun? Revolutionary? - sure! Powerful? - why not? A work of art? - more than likely. Just plain fun? - nope.
3) One in 5 Xboxes includes $1000
You can’t win unless you play. Since it’s estimated that Microsoft won’t make a profit until fiscal 2004, they might as well give some cash to the happy people.
2) One in 3 Xboxes includes the black plague
Give the gift that keeps on giving. What says “I think you’re swell!” then death from a rare strand of virulent smallpox. Remember: there’s a 1:15 chance you’ll get both the money and a painful extinction.
1) Xbox is made of people
Kind of like soylent green, except with video games. The heatsinks/fans are made of fingernails, the DVD lenses are made of retinas, and the hard drives are made of... well... you know. Pervert.
Agree with what I'm saying? Disagree? Let us know your thoughts on this issue in our mail bag. The views of Kevlar Gorilla are not necessarily the views of NGenres.com or its affiliates.
|
 |
|
QUOTE: |
| "Gone are my dreams of suckling the night away." |
|
