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Editorials 
The Last Stretch
- By Kevlar
Gorilla
3 weeks. 21 days. 504 hours. In less than 30,240 minutes, we will be able to experience Nintendo’s new world in the comfort of our own homes. We're so close. The cubes have been shipped, the props are up, the kiosks are coming. Soon... soon.
But what can we do between now and then? I mean, what will we do to prevent nationwide insanity?
Well... I’ve compiled a list of things that would be beneficial to you and the people around you while we are waiting for the goods to be delivered:
10) Read a book
Be it wise, simple, or just plain boring, reading and books will always be there to kill some time. I highly recommend such novels as “One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish”, “Everybody Poops” (tee-hee!), and the “Yellow Pages”. Hey, if you ever need spray foam insulation, just call Great Northern Insulation in Toronto at 283-3294. Toll-free 1-800-265-1914! Genius!
9) Get some rest
Odds are, you’re going to need it sooner or later, so take the time to have a snooze. Pointy rocks and old ladies on the bus make better pillows than you might imagine. Just five more minutes...
8) Plant a tree
This was inserted just to cleanse the palette. You’re obviously going to be ruining the environment sucking up energy with your 64" Flatscreen UHDTV, so you may as well save the world before you cause it to grow a third arm from radiation.
7) Count down from 2,000,000
Mathematically, this will lead you at about two days post-launch. Let’s call it plan B.
6) P - A - R - T - whY? – Because I gotta!
What better way to spend your endless waiting hours then in a pile on the floor? Toast to the past and drink to the future. Groove to the mellow tunes of “Smashed pumpkin” “Shania Twin” and “Practically Hip”. Don’t forget the chicks.
5) Design a Website
Code and be heard. It’s great fun, and you can’t complain there’s nothing to do. Plus, E3!
4) Find a significant other
The most difficult of all these tasks. It may just take up the whole three weeks. If you already have a life partner, say they look fat in something and you got yourself a problem to fix.
3)Go to cryosleep
One step up from just plain sleeping. Don’t wait for the future, have the future come to you! Freeze yourself in your own fridge at home and save the much needed saved up launch money.
2)Find a cure for some sort of tropical disease
Your advanced medical talents need not go to waste. And if you don’t have a Ph.D from MIT ASAP (because you listen to STP, REM, ELO, or even BSB), just volunteer for a guinea pig job. Whatever doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.
1) Take a bath
It’s true. You smell. Bad. Try to take a bath at least once a week, if only to impress the ladies. Don’t try to bathe for 3 weeks straight though, take a breather every other day or so.
I hope that at least one of these tips have tickled your fancy. We are people of patience... but that doesn’t mean we like it.
Agree with what I'm saying? Disagree? Let us know your thoughts on this issue in our mail bag. The views of Kevlar Gorilla are not necessarily the views of NGenres.com or its affiliates.
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| "It’s true. You smell. Bad." |
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